What is it, to be in love?

This is my simplified definition.

To be in love (in my largely non-biological definition) is to want to spend just about every day with the person. A wanting desire in anyway which you know would not harm them. A desire to keep them from harm. A willingness to throw away everything to spend just a few moments with them.

One can not fall out of love with a mask that a person has. A mask is what one knows of a person. If something else comes out then a new mask is created. Even if they do not love the new mask, they will love the old if they did to start with.



I hate love (well....sorta, you'll get what I mean), it literally almost gave me a heat attack. I was working at the gas station and someone pulled up in a car. This lady looked just like the girl I loved. At that moment in time I had not seen the one I loved in months but did speak to her via e-mail daily exchanging as many as 10 per day per person as well as during the school semester speaking to her on AIM.

Anyway, that lady comes in and as I'm taking care of her car I feel a sharp pain in my chest that went to my back. Talk about a scare. The only thing that calmed me down is convincing myself it wasn't her which I actually still debate in my head today because the similarities in appearance were so many. Well, I didn't have any time to actually talk to her as two other cars were there that I was also taking care of so I was rushing back and forth.

I'll have to do some further reflection on this, but for now here are some thoughts.

Webster claims (and I'm not sure of the veracity of this claim) that it is derived from the Latin word lubeo lubere to please. Since I can't vouch for that I'll go with some initial thoughts.

Love is about giving of yourself. Granted there is some element of pleasing involved in that, the idea being you want to please the person that you are "in love with" (and I really hate that term since love is a verb as well, hence "i love you" it makes love seem more passive... anyway I'm ranting)

Love is action. Love requires action, and the reason that you give of yourself, and try to please your beloved is because you know or hope they will do the same for you. They will be there to comfort you when you're despairing, they will show up at your office with flowers for no other reason than to say that you're special to them, they find a gift for your birthday/christmas that you didn't know you wanted and wouldn't have thought to ask for, but is perfect nonetheless, and you can do the same for them.

Love is all of that... and a couple other thoughts I need to compose before I go on.

This is beginning to make sense!

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one i see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore

Hmmmm...

I don't think I can acurately put love into words. I guess the best way I can put it is that love is a sacrifice.

I think others have said it better than I ever can, but heres one take:

"Love is an irresistable desire to be irresistably desired. "
-Robert Frost

psycholopher you seem to have been rather silent on this? Since you did start the discussion what do you think?

Hmmm... being in love...

Well the psychologists and the philosophers have not always had the kindest words to say for "being in love."

Contemporary psychology, for example, identifies the euphoric feelings of "being in love" with the term "passionate love," a rather temporary, cross-cultural experience. According to recent studies (my sources are at home, and I am not), passionate love lasts about 3 years (hence the average length of couples getting married today is about the same, especially when there are no children). It is seen at times as a psychological crutch to prop-up weak ego structures that tremble in the face of independence and dive into the comfort of being with another.

In a purely rational way, I don't disagree with this analysis. Fortunately for me (and I suppose my girlfriend), I'm not completely overrun by reason. I think being in love is partly that which science and philosophy characterizes it to be--but the harsh characterizations they give I take to be warnings, not prognoses. I think being in love is part emotion, part dedication, part self-serving, part "other" serving.

i find it interesting that love exists, both as a noun and a verb and is the same form in both instances (i.e. not a gerund like running)

Love is what makes the irrational, rational

Wingfoot

Kind of like the word "hate."

That sort of makes sense considering technically at opposite ends of the emotional spectrum.

And vice versa.

I do think, however, that love is often very rational. It seems that some people don't want love to rational because that takes away the mystery of it.

But there is a beauty in reason and rationality, and I think when love is rational it is just as beautiful.

Indeed, I do belive that deep set love is rational, though lust often is not.

Well, I don't know, deep set love can go either way. Some people may see it as irrational to drive cross country to pick up a glass or a note for someone you love, but to you, because you love the so much, you wouldn't even bat an eyelid

I've been thinking about this for some time now, and okay, there is some things about love which are crazy, and don't seem to make sense. But when you look at them closely, they really do. Hard to explain.

I pose a question to you all now: Do you belive there is a difference between being in love, and loving a person? If so, what?

Oh, definitely. I'm trying to think of a way to put it though without using the obvious example of "I love my friends, but I'm not IN love with them".

Describing love is so difficult

Wingfoot

Heck yeah it is.

But thats why we have so many responses for it! And each is different, as I think that love is different for each person. And its hardest to discribe when its just a theory, before you've actually experinced it (or belive that you have).

Here are my definitions/opinions: I think "being in love" is often a set of euphoric feelings associated with a particular person. I think that "loving" a person surely involves emotion, but also encapsulates what one does/says that upholds and promotes the dignity of that person.

So "In love" would require feelings of romance? Or no?

Sure

So if someone says "The romance is gone", then the people aren't in love anymore?

If the romance were completely, totally, gone, then yes, I personally would say that they aren't "in love."

So you'd be more adpt to say that "we fall in love with a person", or that "we fall in love with how the person makes us feel"?

Yeah, I'd say that.

why do people fall out of love then?

Because we "use up" the feeling the other person provides. The feeling isn't absoulte in some relationships.

Of course, thats based on the idea that we fall in love with how the person makes us feel.

We fall out of love because biologically speaking, we have a better chance of surviving if we can create greater variance in the gene pool (by having multiple sexual partners).

Aren't those the same things, though?

Ack.. I must be off, but I'll respond to this later.
Just letting you know I'm pondering this.

If we fell in love with the person, it would be rather hard to "fall out of love" and to "fall in love again" wouldn't it?

Okay, back on track.
Now that I've had some time to [not] think it over, I'm pretty sure I can put what I am thining into words.

Honestly, I see these questions as the same thing. We are attracted to certain types of people for whatever reason. How they make us feel reflects who they are as a person and how their personality dicates how they respond in different situations. They are both being themselves and making us feel good by being who they are. By falling for a person, you are falling in love wwith her personality (hopefully). As I said, her personality is who she is. Her personality also makes us feel a certain way. Essentially, those are the same question, just worded differently.
Haha, hopefully I'm making sense here.
I know it is just a jumble of ideas. If anyone wants me to try and sort through that to make it more intelligible, please say so and I'll get to it.

"Romantic" Love last less than a year

Found this on the BBC today, though y'all might want to take a look.

It's an interesting article.

Not anything really new. An intertesting thing to think about, though.

True love would be brotherly love towards everyone in this world regardless of gender, title (your wife for example), race, or religion. This means your ex-girlfriend as well as that hobo on the street.

I hate to say this (as there will be others who will disagree), but seeing God in everyone and everything accounts for that true love. Would you ever dislike God?

I guess to put in terms that Christians and most everyone else will understand, acting like Jesus Christ. All forgiving and all loving.

What would you say is the difference between love and romantice love?

I, myself, have never experienced romantic love to offer much insight on the difference, but I believe the thread has done a nice job of explaining it.

Once again, I can't say much, so even saying that others have explained it correctly doesn't make sense coming from my mouth.